When my father passed away last year, my mother’s home was suddenly filled with enough cookies, pastries and cakes to feed an army. I generally try to eat healthy, but as my mother advised me, "now is the time to eat something sweet and remind ourselves of the simple pleasures in life." The first cookie had the intended effect, and in truth, I had been forgetting to eat all day with all the chaos surrounding the funeral. But the tenth cookie compounded my sadness and exhaustion with a stomach ache. Weeks later, I still found myself uncharacteristically forgetting to eat some days and binging on others. My weight fluctuated much more than in years past. Nutrition can seem like a trivial issue in the context of a death, but food can either play a supportive role in the grieving process or become the source of a whole new set of problems.
First, there is the positive side. Bringing food after a death can be a supportive gesture of sympathy. Most of us have experienced the comfort food can provide. The taste of a favorite food can bring at least a fleeting smile to your face, and maybe even remind you that there are many pleasant things to enjoy in life. Eating right can provide you with the strength and energy during challenging times. Going out to eat with friends can get you out of the house and socializing. Enjoying the favorite foods of a departed loved one can even provide a sense of connection.
But eating can also become complicated after a loss. Many people will experience a loss of appetite during a period of grief. Others will find themselves eating too much and often the less healthy options. If you are having either of these problems, the first thing to know is that you are not alone, and for most people eating habits will return to normal after a short amount of time. Never be too hard on yourself about how you are dealing with grief. Remember, losing a loved one is perhaps the most difficult experience of your life. It is understandable that this degree of stress and sadness will cause a disruption to your routines. Eating less may be a way you need to express your sense of loss. Indulging in certain foods might provide you an occasional source of comfort that you currently can’t do without. But if the problem lingers for months upon months, or reaches the point where your overall health is at risk of deteriorating, it is time to take action.
If you’re having trouble eating, focus on the basics- staying hydrated and getting your protein. Carry snacks around with you so you have food when you’re feeling able to eat. You might want to keep a few hard boiled eggs in the fridge and some trail mix or granola bars in your pocket, purse or car. Schedule meal dates with friends and family and tell them what you’re going through so they can provide you with encouragement and support. As with all parts of the grieving process, it is important to communicate and to be honest. If a friend offers to bring you some food, say yes!
If you are overeating it is most likely a result of turning to food for solace. Food is often used as a comforting and calming influence. Recognizing that this is happening is half the battle. Make a list of other things you can do to provide a modicum of comfort. Taking a walk, calling a friend, treating yourself to a favorite healthy snack, etc. Challenge yourself to do one of these things the next time you get the munchies.
In either case, talking to a health professional is a good idea. A medical doctor will help you identify what the reality of your health risks are. A therapist or grief counselor can help you identify what you’re feeling, how you’re coping with it, and what alternate strategies might work best for you.
As with many of the challenges you’ll face during the grieving period, it is important to try and think of what your departed loved one would want you to do. Be it your parent, your sibling, a relative or a close friend, you know they would want you to eat a regular healthy diet. Use the beauty of their memory for inspiration in making the changes you need to make.
