Seeing a loved one suffer with an illness before passing is very difficult. In fact, it has a name, Anticipatory Grief, which basically means starting the grieving process before the death occurs. There are many different aspects to deal with, and what makes it even more complicated is that when they are alive, yet not well, and you know that eventually they will pass. Most people who care for and experience the loss of a loved one through illness deal with this type of grief, and it is natural, but there are ways to ease the pain before and after death.
At first, dealing with the illness may feel like being on a rollercoaster. Coping with the possibilities, the financial strain, and the emotional draining that occurs is the first battle. Sometimes people choose to live in denial but as the illness progresses you are forced to see reality. Chronic illnesses not only affect those who are sick but also the entire family.
There are several ways to ease the pain and deal with the feelings of guilt, relief, pain, and loss. While your loved one is still with you there are things that you can do to prepare yourself for the near future. Through relieving tension, going through your own coping process, communicating and perhaps seeking counseling, the grieving process may come easier. When caring for someone through a chronic illness, they become more than just a patient; there is a bond that is created. Many people feel lonely after an illness takes a life of their loved one, although they know that the pain and suffering needed to end. These complicated feelings can make you feel guilty or may lead to confusion in your grieving. Do not let guilt get the best of you. When you expect the death of a loved one you can use that time to prepare and heal while they are with you, and try to find a time to say goodbye.
After the death it may be best to rearrange the home, or the area where they lived. In order to minimize depression it may be wise to surround yourself by others who were close to both of you. When so much time has been spent caring for someone it may be difficult to go back to life before the illness and before grieving. Take this time to do things that you have wanted. Do not deny yourself the right to enjoy life. It may be difficult to stop all routines if you were a caregiver, but they must end.
After someone has left us in this life it is important for us to continue living and moving on. Just as the suffering has ended for your loved one, your grief will subside too, with time and trust.
