When we lose someone we love, the grief and sadness that we have can not only overwhelm us, but can also take a seemingly endless time to fade away. For some of us, that grief can incapacitate us, leaving us unable to do the things that we need to do in order to get on with our lives. We become unable to work, do chores around the house, go shopping, or even take care of our families. That leaves us with the question: when is it ok to let go of our grief a little bit in order to move on with the rest of our lives?
First of all, it is important to understand that the grieving process is very long and difficult and no one should ever feel rushed into ignoring their pain in order to “move on with their lives.” By doing that, it is possible to set yourself up for a lot of other troubles in the long run. Because every person is unique, it will take every person a different amount of time to work through the pain and sadness associated with the loss of a loved one. For some people, the way in which they deal with their pain is by keeping busy. But for others, it is much more difficult to let go of the sadness and grief, because that sadness is the tie that still binds them to the person they lost. If you find yourself in the latter category their will come a time when it becomes clear to you that the pain and sadness that you’re feeling is hindering the other aspects of your life. When that time comes, it is an opportunity for you to start reflecting on how to start taking small steps forward with our lives, while at the same time not forgetting the person who we lost.
One idea for a person who finds themselves in that type of situation is to designate certain times in their day or week which are specifically devoted to thinking about their loved ones. For instance, if you’ve found it difficult to go to work because of the sadness that you feel, maybe you could spend a few minutes before you walk into your workplace thinking about the person that you lost. The thoughts that you have don’t have to be sad ones, they can be memories of good times that you have shared. You may find that thinking of these experiences before you go to work can actually lift your spirit and allow you to focus on your job. Tell yourself that when those few minutes are over you will not think about that person until you’ve finished work. Or, if you spend a lot of time at home, put aside 10 or 15 minutes in the afternoon or evening in which you allow yourself to remember the good times that you’ve shared with your loved one, but for the rest of the day, keep your thoughts and your actions elsewhere. If this sounds like something that you think could help you, the most important thing is that you keep to your schedule and allow yourself the opportunity to see what life is like when you’re not being weighed down by grief.
This may seem like a very difficult thing to do, but with a little will power you will see that devoting a specific time to thoughts of the departed, and leaving the rest of the day to thoughts of yourself, that you are not forgetting about your loved one, but are allowing yourself to move forward. If this sounds like something that might work out for you, write down on a piece of paper, a calendar, a computer, or anything that you look at every day your schedule. Do not devote more than a half an hour a day to it, but make it part of your routine. If you find that this is working for you, then maybe after a few weeks you can change your schedule and have entire days in which you don’t allow yourself to grieve. Maybe devote a half an hour or an hour a week to it. Whatever works for you, the important thing is sticking to your schedule, feeling that you are beginning to be able to get back to rest of your life, and are not constantly feeling overwhelmed with sadness and grief. There will always be times in which you will think about the person that you lost and that person’s memory will always be strong inside your heart, but allowing yourself to move on and be happy again is best for you and your family.
