When it comes to suicide, everybody always talks about the people who love you and how much it would hurt them, most suicidal people never really look far into this theory because the world seems so dark and we feel alone almost as if we would be forgotten.

I have attempted suicide multiple times since the age of 13, never really succeeded, not sure if I wanted to at that age.

Last month my boyfriend commited suicide after an arguement he and I had. His family blamed me, to a certain degree I even blamed me. Three days later I attempted again and sadly the same exact way he had done it with sucess.

After waking up in the hospital with a very emotional family I realized the pain it caused them and how hurt and disturbed they would have been had I actually gotten to the point of death, I know that hurt because that was the main reason why I was attempting in the first place. I had just lost someone so dear and close to me, I lost his whole family and I was being accused of a murderer(I still am).

The last person to talk to me before my attempt was my sister, now I think the what if...what if I died, would my sister get the blame I got which led me to death? Would she then kill herself? Who would be responsable for my sisters death? How many links would go on this chain?

My point being is I never really thought about the loved ones you leave behind until I was thrown into this. Everyday is an emotional challenge since my boyfriend died. Knowing the blame was put on me by others kills me inside but I love my family and friends so much even through the bad that I just couldn't imagine putting them into this same depression I must carry now.

Think about those who love you.